Pretend you’re Jalen Brunson for a minute … Hey, it’s not all that unrealistic.
I mean, the guy claims to be 6-foot-2. Yeah, in pumped-up Shaq shoes.
He’s left-handed, which gives you an intellectual advantage.
His mom played college volleyball. Which means she’s tall and can jump, two things her son isn’t and can’t do.
And he’s been a basketball player all his life. Which means if you need a sub for your slowpitch softball team, a fourth for your golf scramble or, heck, you’re looking for a partner for beginner’s pickleball, he’s not your man.
Make no mistake, Jalen Brunson is a great basketball player. Well, half of one.
There’s a reason opponents circle the Knicks on their calendar. And it’s not to get an autograph from Spike Lee or a selfie with Kylie Jenner.
It’s because Brunson, one of the shortest and slowest guards in the NBA, has to guard somebody. And if you play poorly enough the game before facing the Knicks, maybe you win the matchup lottery and get Brunson assigned to you.
I know what your Brunson persona is thinking: Man, I’m a loser. Why can’t I be Donovan Mitchell for a minute?
Sorry, but for this exercise, we have to be realistic.
As you (as Brunson) sit down to watch tonight’s Cavaliers-Pistons game, the one that will determine the Knicks’ opponent in the Eastern finals, you have to be a bit conflicted.
On one hand, it would be nice to draw the Cavaliers, meaning you would have the home-court advantage. But here’s the problem with that: There is no worse backcourt matchup for you than the Cavs.
You’re too short to guard James Harden. He’s your speed, but he would shoot right over you.
And you’re too slow to guard Mitchell. He’s about your size, but he would dribble circles around you.
You’re going to get torched either way.
You don’t have that problem with the Pistons. In fact, of all teams in the NBA, they might provide you the best defensive matchup, being that Ausar Thompson is arguably the worst shooting guard in the league. You live to guard guys like that.
But be careful what you wish for, because Thompson is one of the best defensive guards in the NBA. He’s been doing a number on Mitchell in the Eastern semis, and he’s certainly capable of doing the same to you.
So who you rooting for …
The team that hands you the home-court advantage and a chance to put up big numbers, all while getting embarrassed defensively?
Or the team that gives you a chance to rest on the defensive end, which would allow you to put maximum energy into your favorite part of the game – offense – while being draped nonstop by the Human Bearhug?
Tough one, huh?
I’m guessing you – and Brunson himself – would opt for the Cavaliers. After all, he’s achieved elite status in the NBA by scoring a ton of points against tough defenders and, most importantly, hitting more clutch shots than anybody in recent history.
And who wouldn’t want more of that?
If Brunson scorches the Cavs for 34 points, like he did in a Christmas Day win, nobody’s going to notice that Mitchell also scored 34, like he also did on Christmas.
Brunson aside, neither potential matchup in the NBA Final Four is a good one for the Knicks. They were, after all, designed to beat the Celtics, and neither the Cavaliers nor Pistons resemble the traditional Eastern power.
When the Knicks imported OG Anunoby and Mikal Bridges, it was with Jayson Tatum and Jaylen Brown in mind. The Cavaliers and Pistons don’t have anything close, rendering the defensive aces somewhat useless.
Unlike the Celtics, each has a quality big man. Which means foul trouble and a lot of unwise 3-point shooting for Karl-Anthony Towns.
And only the Pistons have a Jrue Holiday, a limited offensive player who Brunson could adequately defend.
Bottom line: You might think those dreadlocks would look good on you. And being left-handed could be kinda cool.
But, trust me, you don’t want to be Jalen Brunson right now.
Enjoy Sunday’s big game. He won’t.
