Elle Ward appeared outgoing and confident to those around her, but she was battling intense internal turmoil as a single mother from Orpington.
“I could be in the middle of a conversation, looking like I’m having a good time. But in my head I am constantly asking if I’m doing it right, if these people even like me,” Elle, 28, explains. A persistent inner voice questioned everything she did.
Teenage Struggles and Mounting Pressure
As a teenager, Elle grappled with self-harm, depression, and low self-esteem, often clashing with her parents. In her late twenties, balancing single parenthood and a demanding teaching role pushed her to a breaking point.
“On the drive to work, I would silently beg someone to crash into my car so I wouldn’t have to do it myself,” she reveals.
The Crisis in October 2024
Burnt out from work and reeling from a long-term relationship’s end, Elle reached a despairing low. She turned to recreational drugs on weekends, straining family ties further.
“I was going off the rails. By Sunday I wasn’t a very nice person. Everyone thought I was selfish, but I was ill,” she recalls. “I felt – I can’t do this anymore.”
That week, Elle secretly bid farewell to loved ones, taking her eight-year-old son to the zoo, an amusement arcade, and London, while visiting grandparents and dining with parents.
“I was at peace with ending my life. It sounds strange, but it was probably the best I’d felt in a long time,” she says.
A neighbor’s timely visit interrupted her plan, leading to an emergency rush to A&E and transfer to a psychiatric ward in Sidcup two days later.
Challenging Hospital Stay
Arriving at dawn, Elle faced a disorienting scene: a man in a dress blasting music in the common area. “I was petrified and not in the headspace to speak to anyone,” she describes.
With her phone and toiletries taken, she retreated to a stark room where items were bolted down. For days, she lay motionless on the plastic mattress, refusing food, showers, or conversation.
One morning, another patient hid in her room, whispering, “You’re finally awake.” Terrified, she questioned reality until staff intervened.
Over time, connections formed. “A lot of the people were so nice, and so were the staff,” Elle notes. “It was the best and worst six weeks of my life – for the first time, I was around people who understood.”
She highlights a compassionate patient in women’s leggings, a high-vis jacket, and missing teeth who ensured she ate. “One of the kindest people I’ve ever met,” she reflects.
Yet, professional care fell short: only two psychiatrist visits in six weeks, no individual therapy, frequent activity cancellations due to staffing issues, and unhelpful group sessions.
Discharge and Aftercare Failures
Nearing Christmas, Elle yearned to return to her son and was discharged. Suicidal urges resurfaced at home. “I felt safe in hospital, but everything was at my fingertips again,” she says.
A promised home treatment team visit within 48 hours proved a futile 15-minute check. Community mental health follow-up never materialized for months.
Her mother repeatedly contacted GPs, hospitals, and teams, only to be shuffled between services. A psychiatrist appointment arrived for May – too distant. Private care was unaffordable.
Nights brought racing thoughts; days, housebound anxiety. Family tension mounted. Elle made further attempts but avoided hospitals, seeing no value.
Turning Point and New Mission
In August, a referral to an exceptional NHS psychologist brought relief. “She follows up, books appointments, calls weekly, and treats me like a human being,” Elle praises.
Stabilized, she shares her story online, connecting with others facing care gaps. This inspired What About Now, a charity addressing isolation post-discharge.
Its flagship, Chatty Corner, partners with cafés in Bromley and Bexley for weekly drop-ins offering companionship, advice, and safe talks. Expansion plans aim for a nationwide network accessible to all incomes.
“No one should be discharged into nothing. People deserve meaningful aftercare,” Elle asserts. She’s authored a book on her journey and stays busy with her son and charity.
“I’m much stronger now. I still have bad days, but I feel the best I’ve felt in years. I’m angry – I nearly died, and my boy nearly lost his mum because I fell through the cracks.”
Need Support?
For emotional help, contact Samaritans’ 24-hour helpline at 116 123, email jo@samaritans.org, visit a branch, or check their website.
HOPELINE247 offers 24/7 support: call 0800 068 4141, text 88247, or email pat@papyrus-uk.org.
