Jen Hatmaker is reflecting on how purity tradition affected her marriage to ex-husband Brandon.
Showing on a latest episode of the podcast, “The Jamie Kern Lima Present,” the HGTV star opened up about how she introduced the “sexual disgrace” she developed at a younger age into her marriage to Brandon, 53.
Jen, 51, recalled a narrative from her days as a younger teenager when her church taught her “intercourse schooling” utilizing a flower metaphor. She defined that she and the opposite women had been instructed that they had been like a flower — a “pure” and “pristine” present to be given to their husbands solely. They had been warned that actions similar to sexual activity with their boyfriends or letting folks contact their our bodies previous to marriage could be “ruining” the present, like a petal being ripped off a flower.
“That was the primary time in my life I had been instructed by a religious authority that I used to be an actual downside, that my physique was an issue, that I used to be in control of not simply my very own sexual purity, however the boys and any sexual deviance that got here into play, if it was mine, it was my fault, and if it was theirs, it was my fault, and that seared into my psyche. I’m 50 years outdated. I’m nonetheless speaking about it,” Jen defined.
Jen added that being taught to assume that manner about sexual wishes so early in life got here again to hang-out her when she did finally get married.
“That story was handed to so many people at our age, at such a pivotal time, and I carried that sexual disgrace with me into my marriage. For positive,” she mentioned.
Jen added that she and Brandon acquired married younger and had already “sullied the story,” implying that neither of them saved themselves for marriage like they’d been taught.
“So we already walked into our relationship filled with guilt, filled with disgrace, filled with secrets and techniques, as a result of that’s not one thing we had been allowed to speak about or to be trustworthy about,” she mentioned. “And so that you simply bury that internally, and it’s so corrosive.”
Jen and Brandon Hatmaker. Courtesy of Jen Hatmaker’s Fb
Jen additionally identified the injury prompted from being instructed to carry again on sexual wishes for therefore lengthy, however then having the expectation after marriage to immediately be expert within the bed room to have the ability to please your husband.
“It definitely affected our marriage if you find yourself instructed time and again and over that sexual emotions, wishes, behaviors, explorations, all of it are so soiled and that you’re soiled for having them, for considering them or for doing them, you consider it. You simply consider it,” Jen continued.
She added: “And so I walked that sense of such battle into my marriage, as a result of, in fact, in that camp, then you definitely’re additionally instructed ‘Don’t be slutty and have intercourse.’ However then while you lastly get married and have intercourse, be superior at it. Be unhindered, proper? Be like a vixen. Give it up anytime the husband desires it. Be sort of wild about it. That whiplash is the supply of a whole lot of distress for lots of younger marriages that got here out of that atmosphere, and it was for us to.”
Jen and Brandon’s relationship was featured on My Massive Household Renovation, which premiered in 2014. The couple later introduced their cut up in 2020 following almost three a long time of marriage.
“Brandon and I are getting divorced. Though the main points are ours alone, this was utterly sudden, and I stay shocked as we communicate. I’m shocked, grief-stricken, and broken-hearted,” Jen wrote by way of Instagram on the time. “Maintain us so pricey to your hearts. We now have felt your prayers these previous couple of weeks. We now have skilled your mercy. Thanks for being good to us. Know that we’re deeply surrounded by love and haven’t been alone a single second in two months. Please assist defend us and hold us protected as we attempt to heal and rebuild.”
Each Brandon and Jen have moved on after their divorce. Brandon is now married to Tina Hatmaker, whereas Jen discovered love with boyfriend Tyler Merritt.
