Might I counsel a brand new entry within the Guinness World Data?
Costliest DUI conviction in historical past: Karen Learn, convicted in Dedham, MA, June 18, 2025.
Value: At the very least $3 million, in all probability nearer to $5 million.
No surprise District Legal professional Michael “Meatball” Morrissey didn’t need to return her SUV again to Karen Learn. He blew possibly $5 million in taxpayer cash making an attempt to border her, twice, and in the long run all he needed to present for his obsessive authorized stalking was a black Lexus, and 47 items of damaged tail gentle from components unknown.
The tab simply retains operating increased and better. This week Boston 25 and the Herald bought a brand new batch of payments from the second trial. It seems that Meatball squandered $599,735.45 on Aperture, a bunch of grifters who dealt with “accident reconstruction,” or ought to I say, “fantasy accident reconstruction.”
Aperture was to “accident reconstruction” what “fantasy soccer” is to actual NFL soccer.
Keep in mind, the Division of Justice employed an actual firm of respectable consultants to determine whether or not Karen Learn’s now-liberated SUV actually struck her boyfriend, and the reply was a convincing no.
The feds supplied this incontrovertible proof to Meatball, nevertheless it didn’t match together with his plans for a necktie occasion for “the woman.”
So he employed Aperture, with the redneck professional who’d been making an attempt to get his bachelor’s diploma for 17 years and didn’t know the distinction between “bytes” and “bits.” One other of the “consultants” was flown in from California – first-class!
And did you discover Aperture stored its invoice slightly below $600,000 – like that one way or the other makes it higher. They’re what they name too cute by half.
Meatball nonetheless received’t give Karen Learn a few of her cell telephones again. Based on Steve Boozang, her new native lawyer, one among Meatball’s “particular” prosecutors, Robert “Triple Dip” Cosgrove, remains to be making an attempt to convict her for witness intimidation or one thing.
Triple Dip is already pocketing two state pensions price a complete of $203,000 a 12 months, plus no matter he’s getting for Meatball’s persevering with quest to get Karen Learn on one thing, something.
How obsessed was Meatball? Based on the data, he spent one other $17,000 for transcriptions of broadcast information concerning the trial. He ought to have realized, whenever you’re making an attempt to railroad an harmless particular person, no information is sweet information.
Then there was Hexordia, the agency in control of digital forensics, or ought to I say, “fantasy digital forensics.” They bought slightly below $45,000. I believe these had been the buffoons who mentioned pay no consideration to the truth that one of many McAlberts googled “Hos (sic) lengthy to die in chilly” at 2:27 a.m., hours earlier than John O’Keefe’s physique was discovered within the snow.
There have been studies that that loopy lady “professional” charged $393 an hour, which appears steep certainly. However she advised Meatball’s minions she’d say no matter needed to be mentioned, to which he reportedly texted again:
“HIRE HER IMMEDIATELY!”
Don’t overlook Hammered Hank Brennan, one other one of many “particular prosecutors.” Meatball employed him final 12 months and it was introduced that his pay was capped at $75,000.
Closing invoice: $566,000.
These are simply the direct prices. What about all of the ancillary circumstances, together with Turtleboy and, lest we overlook, the Rubber Ducky investigations? And the courtroom prices, and the cops across the courthouse.
There have been three police departments in Norfolk County concerned within the case-related rubber ducky capers – the Mass State Police in addition to the Canton and Stoughton PDs. 5 search warrants, by Canton alone, two readings of Miranda rights, the Keystone Kops making an attempt to extract information from yet one more SUV, this one in Stoughton….
How about all the extra prices of litigating the proof assortment in not less than 5 different homicide circumstances in Norfolk County, together with the grisly Brian Walshe wife-dismemberment, as a result of something Michael Proctor touched is now past tainted?
The tab retains operating.
That is all on Meatball Morrissey. I checked his political account on the Workplace of Marketing campaign and Political Finance (OCPF) web site yesterday, and his stability is at the moment $420,912.71. He used to have a birthday fundraiser each August (he’s 71 and doesn’t look a day over 101) however not this 12 months.
Within the final 11 months, Meatball has taken in precisely one contribution — $200, final February, from an historic lobbyist, fellow State Home hack of Meatball’s who was as soon as employed by a corrupt ex-Home speaker named Felon Finneran.
After an uninterrupted lifetime of slurping on the trough, definitely it will likely be troublesome for Meatball to surrender his $223,442-a-year handout. But it surely appears like he’s all executed. Granted, his most seen opponent has slightly below $40,000 in her marketing campaign kitty, however Meatball is down within the mid-single digits by way of favorability and it’s as unlikely that he can regain his reputation as it could be for him to lose 200 kilos.
Meatball, why not exit on a excessive observe and donate your $420,000 to the taxpayers of Norfolk County who you’ve robbed blind in your two failed makes an attempt to lynch Karen Learn?
For as soon as in your tawdry, overweight life, do the correct factor. Make any excuse you need for calling it quits. You don’t need to go away mad, simply go away.
Exit on a excessive observe. Intensify the constructive. Hey, Karen Learn’s lastly bought her automotive again. All’s proper on this planet.
And look on the intense aspect, Meatball – you’ll at all times have a particular place in Guinness World Data.
Most Costly Drunk Driving Conviction in Historical past.
Employees Photograph Chris Christo/Boston Herald
Norfolk County District Legal professional Michael W. Morrissey. (Chris Christo/Boston Herald)
