From the mysterious East, now comes Carrnac the Magnificent together with his infallible predictions for the New 12 months, 2026.
For these infidels conserving rating at residence, precisely one yr in the past at present, Carrnac gazed into his crystal ball and presciently predicted each the acquittal of Karen Learn and the conviction of Tania Fernandes Anderson.
Maybe not the hardest calls on the earth, Sahib. However as we used to say again within the Raj, a W is a W.
And now, the envelopes please:
Embattled MN Gov. Tim Walz resigns, one step forward of the posse, to turn into the most recent adjunct lecturer on the Harvard Institute of Politics.
That method Walz gained’t should journey far to personally choose his inevitable Profiles in Braveness Award subsequent spring.
At her sentencing in federal courtroom on Jan. 29, plus-sized BLM grifter Monica Cannon-Grant will declare that she is a sufferer of, you guessed it, racism.
After his inevitable conviction on corruption fees, crooked Democrat state Rep. Chris “Flim Flam” Flanagan will inform the decide that he too is a sufferer, of a debilitating psychological dysfunction.
Kleptomania.
The State Police will take over the probe of the $400,000 lobster theft in Taunton, however will rapidly be pressured to concern an announcement denying that any troopers have been concerned, regardless of the plain similarities of the crustacean heists to many different crimes dedicated by MSP troopers in recent times.
Shabbily dressed NPR-listening pensioners will proceed to put on their ridiculous masks in public, as they fantasize about as soon as once more having the chance to vote for Kamala Harris.
The public sale of Karen Learn’s restored 2021 black Lexus SUV will convey in additional than $200,000 for her authorized fund.
Over-under on what number of extra multi-million-dollar meals stamp “anomalies” the feds will uncover within the illegal-alien districts: 4.
Take the over.
An area TV newscast can be canceled. Nobody will discover.
Lawrence Mayor Brian DePena won’t graduate with honors from his most up-to-date ESL class.
As a matter of truth, el alcalde gained’t graduate, interval.
As spring arrives, Mayor Wu asks Archbishop Henning to bless town’s sacred bicycle lanes.
On April 4, Gov. Healey will maintain a particular ceremony to commemorate the three-month anniversary of not a single blade from certainly one of her beloved wind generators breaking off and crashing right into a cranberry bathroom or the ocean.
On Patriots Day, Gov. Healey will concern a proclamation commemorating the Minutemen who fired the photographs heard ‘around the world in 1775, noting that “most of them have been Somalis, .”
Boston Police Commissioner Michael Cox will retire because of sick well being. All people acquired sick of him.
Mayor Michelle Wu will have fun the 250th anniversary of the US on July 4 by personally burning an American flag on the Boston Frequent.
Later within the day, New York Mayor Zohran Mamdani will attempt to one-up her as probably the most radical mayor within the US by burning two Previous Glories in Instances Sq..
MA Lawyer Common Andrea Campbell will indict precisely the identical variety of corrupt Democrat politicians in 2026 as she did in 2023, 2024 and 2025.
Which is to say, zero.
After a prolonged run by the native staff within the NFL playoffs, Sen. Ed Markey will as soon as extra take to the Senate flooring to congratulate, as he did in 2017, “the Boston Patriots.”
When requested about new quarterback Drake Maye, Markey can pay him the final word praise:
“He may very well be the following Babe Parilli!”
All through 2026, main as much as main day, Rep. Seth Moulton will regularly be saying to himself:
“I can’t consider I’m shedding to this man.”
There can be no progress made in rebuilding the Cape bridges.
However the price ticket will rise by one other $10 billion, the completion date can be pushed off to 2050, and folks will start to fondly reminisce about how competently the Massive Dig undertaking was run.
The corrupt state judiciary will proceed to rebuff the makes an attempt of state Auditor Diana DiZoglio to audit the corrupt state Legislature.
In an unrelated growth, the corrupt state Legislature will approve one other huge pay elevate for the corrupt state judiciary.
When convicted on corruption fees, crooked Suffolk County Excessive Sheriff Steve Tompkins will blame, you guessed it, racism.
Brian Albert, former Boston cop and now Brockton personal eye extraordinaire, will maintain a press convention to announce the hiring of his two latest very moral crack sleuths – Michael Proctor and Kelly Dever.
As Albert introduces them, music from AC/DC blares from the loudspeakers – “Soiled Deeds Finished Filth Low cost.”
ATF agent Brian Higgins is unable to attend the festivities, however telephones congratulations to his consuming buddy – with a butt dial.
The investigation of the racist emails at UMass in 2021 continues right into a fifth yr with no decision and no suspects.
The investigation into the racist defacing of the black professors’ portraits at Harvard Regulation Faculty in 2015 continues into an eleventh yr with no decision and no suspects.
There’s a dry spell – the Globe will blame world warming.
Quite a lot of rain – ditto.
Extra snow than regular, or much less – you solely get one guess what brought on it.
Identical with hurricanes, tornadoes, volcanoes and failing (or is it rising?) maple syrup manufacturing.
Is there something world warming can’t do?
Something unhealthy that occurs within the economic system – Trump’s fault, simply because.
Any good financial information – Trump’s simply cashing in on the Biden increase.
Gov. Healey will appoint LaMar Prepare dinner to the State Parole Board – however solely after yet one more thorough background examine by the State Police.
LaMar’s time period can be for 5 years, to run concurrently together with his personal jail sentence.
On New 12 months’s Eve, the final American leaving Boston will prove the lights.
(Purchase Howie’s new guide, “Mass Corruption: Vol. 1, The Cops,” at amazon.com or howiecarrshow.com/retailer.)
